happy birthday, blog

I'm a terrible mother.

Not like a real mother because I don't have any little ones running around, unless of course you count Plaxico, and as far as I can tell I'm not a terrible mother to him (except when I add peanut butter to my oatmeal in the morning and forget to let him lick the spoon - then I feel like a mean mom) but I am a terrible mother to my blog. A terrible blog mother. A blother.

And why am I a terrible blother you ask? (Blother's really not gonna catch on is it? Oh well, it was worth a try.) I forgot my own blog's birthday!!! Like I said, just terrible. No party, no cake, no pony rides. She was probably devastated. All the other cool blogs' moms are out baking funfetti cake and posting long reflections looking back on their first year of blogging. Me? Nada. How will she ever forgive me?

BUT, now that I think about it, I started this blog on May 18th, 2011, and it's actually the last day of May  today, the same month that I began this thing last year, so I think I can still salvage this. Really my blog is so special to me that I've been celebrating all month long. And today is the culmination of my blog's one year birthday MONTH! (Yes... this is going to work. Blog protective services, you keep your distance. This was my plan all along!)

In all honesty though, I feel an incredible sense of pride that I've been able to keep this thing going for a year. And if any of you out there reading have blogs of your own, I bet you can relate to the feeling that this little corner of the internet kind of feels like my baby. This little thing that began from nothing and has grown to having a personality and a sense of self. It requires nourishment and attention, and it is a direct reflection of my "parenting" as it gets older. Really a fitting metaphor if you ask me. So how did this baby come to be? (Don't worry, blog conception stories are ALOT less awkward than the other ones.)

Last May I began reading a blog called your wishcake. I found it because I followed a link someone had shared on Twitter. I was astounded by what an authentic voice the author, Kerri, had in her writing. I can remember staying up one night just to read post after post of hers because I enjoyed them so much, and I looked forward to each new post she would put up. She had such a sweet, kind, funny style and when I read her writing I felt that it was so... authentic. Like I was hearing her think and not just write.

And then I began to wonder: what is my voice? I wish there were people out there that looked forward to reading my words. But she had been writing for years and so all I could think is that I had nothing to start from. It was daunting: aspiring to be something that someone else has taken years to become. But then I found an awesome quote, one that I have seen many places since then, that was exactly what I needed to hear. I wrote it on a notebook of mine so I wouldn't forget it:

I thought to myself, a year from now will I still be reading every one of Kerri's posts wishing that I had my own blog? Maybe. But if I started that day, right then, in one short year's time, I could have enough writing under my belt that I might actually have the voice and the style that I was craving to develop.

So I just... started.

And here we are. I've gone through periods of posting a lot and not very much at all. I've written things that are funny, things that are sappy, things that I never thought I'd share with other people, much less everyone on the internet if they wanted to find it. I've written 61 posts in the past year, which is hard for even me to believe.

But this blog, my baby, is the one thing in my life that gives me more pride and satisfaction than anything else. I'm so glad I started this thing a year ago, and thank you all so much for reading and commenting and sharing. I can't wait to see her grow up to be two - who knows where she'll be.

Happy Birthday (Month), Bloggie - Mommy loves you. And next year there will be ponies, I promise.