say goodbye to blogspot!

Today is a momentous day, you guys! It's my last day using Blogger as my platform. It's been great to me for the past year and half, and I recommend it to anyone that wants to get started blogging because I love the ease of use and how easy it is to customize your template. However, it's time for this little digital home of mine to grow up a bit!

As of tomorrow, when you visit clumsycraftyhappy.com, you will see a completely new place! For one, the new site will be running on Wordpress, which probably doesn't mean a whole lot to those of you reading, but believe me, it will make things better on my end of things. Also, this will officially be the first blog/website I have ever designed by myself. I gave myself the task six months ago to design a new blog for myself, and through that self-imposed project I have been able to teach myself different design techniques as well as develop an aesthetic that previously did not exist. I think you'll find that the new site still feels very much like the current blog, but in a more modern, more professional way.

I couldn't be more excited to show it to you all tomorrow, and I can't wait to hear what you think! Thanks to everyone who has followed my blogging journey thus far, and I hope you continue to visit CCH at its new home!

my 2013 happy list + a theory on joy

[image source + type by caroline winegeart]

Thanks for bearing with me during my seasonal hiatus. It was great to just take a step back for a while, and now I'm finally ready to kick this year off right!

I don't know about you guys, but every time a new year comes along, I wait around for this feeling to magically show up. The one that makes it really seem like a new year - the feeling of possibilities, motivation, and change. But the funny thing is, that feeling rarely shows up right on January 1st like we all wish it would. At least not for me. So for the first week in January, every January, I inevitably run around doing things I feel like I should, hoping I can somehow trick that feeling into finally arriving.  This year I organized my document files, reformatted my budget sheets for the upcoming year, cleaned out my closet etc., crossing my fingers that 2013 would finally start to sink in.

Sure enough, after one week of thinking I'd be stuck in 2012 land forever, that feeling finally arrived! I woke up one morning with this inexplicable spark. I had all these things I wanted to do and new things I wanted to try and I suddenly saw the growth I wanted for myself this year. My brain was going so fast I could hardly keep up. Not knowing what to do, I simply sat down and wrote a list. A LONG list. Everything that popped in my head that I wanted to accomplish in 2013, I wrote down. And when I was done, I looked over what I had done.

Now normally, to usher in a new year I sit down and write a short list of over-arching goals. They're usually pretty vague and broad (I know, basically what every goal-setting exercise will tell you NOT to do) but I use them as sort of guideposts throughout the year. Things like "Make time for myself" or "Make more of an effort to keep in touch with friends." That method has always worked for me, but this year I wanted to try something different. (Surprise, surprise, the girl that gets bored all too easily wants to try something different.)

Before I get to that, let me give you a little preface. Over the past year I've done a lot of thinking (and writing) about pursuing happiness, and what I think that means for different people. In my endless curiosity about happiness, I also recently watched a great documentary on Netflix simply called "Happy," which explores different cultures all over the world and what leads to their collective happiness (or unhappiness as the case may be.) At one point in the movie there is a pie chart showing the different contributors to happiness. Their findings suggest that 50% of a person's happiness is dependent upon their genetics. The idea being that everyone is born with this sort of 'range of happiness' and 'happiness potential,' if you will. 10% is dependent upon your circumstances (a much smaller percentage than most people would probably guess.) This has to do with your job, finances, living situation, etc. But then that leaves 40% unaccounted for, and the researchers in this movie suggest that the remaining 40% has to do with what they call intentional activity. This could include things like learning a new skill, volunteering, spending more time with family - just actions that a person can take to bring them good feelings and over time an increased sense of happiness.

[image via Happy, the movie]

I found this theory to be largely accurate in my own life when I started reading Gretchen Rubin's Happiness Project last year and implemented some of her suggestions in my own life. (Some people have hobbies like rock climbing or knitting. I research happiness. It's not weird, I promise.)

So what did I learn?

Being purposeful about creating your own joy can have a powerful effect on your level of happiness.

I truly do believe that happiness is largely dependent upon the choices we make and the things we intentionally do. Which is where the whole "trying something new" thing comes in. When I looked back at the list I had written for my goals in 2013, I realized that they looked less like a list of goals and more like a list of things I wanted to do to create joy for myself.

Now, I know the whole "list" concept - leap list, 30 before 30, 100 things, etc. - is no new thing. But I guess I never wanted to make a list like that before because it didn't feel intentional. It felt like I would have been doing it just to have a list. Now that I've come to grips on my own with why those lists are important, it feels a bit more authentic, and I think I'll get more out of it too. Will I complete everything on the list? Maybe not. But it's not really about that. I like to think of it more of a constant wealth of joy that I can revisit whenever I want.

So for now, I have no resolutions or goals for 2013, only one long happy list and one charge to myself: CREATE YOUR OWN JOY. The theory, of course, being that the more joy I can create, the happier I'll be, and the happier I am, the more good I will invite into my life. Again, we'll see if this theory holds true, but for now, that's what I'm rolling with!

You can check out my list below, and hopefully I'll put up a link to it in my sidebar soon so you can keep up with the progress. I'll let you guys know where things stand in a few months!

// Do you set goals or make lists when a new year begins? What would be on your happy list? //

• learn to film and edit a short video
• read a new book every month
• do something that scares me
• open an Etsy shop
• teach someone something
• hold a puppy
• travel to a place I've never been
• learn to make a new meal every month
• create a tradition for an unimportant holiday
• plan a 'girl date' with a friend once a month
• send Jason on a scavenger hunt
• practice calligraphy
• try a new form of exercise
• send a gift to a friend for no reason
• take a photography class
• volunteer together with Jason
• take an Intro to Illustrator course 
• do someone a favor
• write a letter to someone in another country
• plan a get-together for my family
• watch all the special features on one of my favorite DVDs
• make and wear a handmade costume
• buy an impractical pair of shoes
• create a date jar
• have friends over to our house for dinner
• watch a classic Disney movie (and sing all the songs)
• watch a TED talk with Italian subtitles
• learn to play a contemporary song on the piano
• paint and hang a painting in our house
• actually make a craft project I've pinned on Pinterest
• set up a booth at a craft show

a year for me + a look back on 2012

Image credit

This is probably going to sound incredibly selfish, but I kind of feel like 2012 was a year for me. That's not to say it was all about me, me, me (I swear I'm not that vain.. nor am I that interesting), but it is to say that I somehow managed to unearth a new version of myself this year, one that I'm pretty content with.

I've discovered that one thing I find true value and contentment in is personal growth and evolution. So many Decembers, though, I have looked back upon the year gone by and thought "Why didn't I find the time to do XYZ..." Not this year, though. This year, more so than any other year, I feel as though I'm a better, more authentic version of myself now than when the year began in January. I didn't accomplish everything on my mental list, but I think the difference is that this year I was purposeful. This year I was all about action. I always say the first step to self-improvement is self-awareness, but change can't happen unless you take steps to do something. I made this year about doing something.

on creating my legacy

// photo credit: mutablend on Flickr via swissmiss // type by me //

I met an amazing woman yesterday. Her name is Mary Lyn, and she's the owner of Big Fish Power Yoga in Jacksonville, Beach. Now I don't know Mary Lyn that well, this being our first meeting, but she just had one of those energies about her. It's an exuberance and an openness that's contagious. Amidst our conversation, she brought up the idea of one's "legacy," as in what is the legacy you want to leave with the world, and it really got me thinking about what I want my own legacy to be.

I mean, let's be honest here, LEGACY is a big, scary word. It implies finality and grandeur, things I'm not so comfortable with as a 24-year-old. But the way she posed the question to me was so approachable. It was less about what do you want to be remembered by (hi, a little morbid, right?) and it was more about what do you want to contribute to other people. That, I thought, is something I'd like to explore.  

For Jason, his legacy (at least right now) is IWearYourShirt. Encompassed in that are the ideas of creativity and the entrepreneurial spirit and hard work. Have I helped him over the past few years build that legacy? Sure I've helped, and he would tell you the same, but it's not MY legacy, ya know? Don't get me wrong, my heart still completely beats for his business because it's both of our livelihoods and we'll always be a team. I will work for IWYS as long as I possibly can because I want to help Jason succeed and I believe in what he's built. But it also makes me think, if I could create my own IWearYourShirt in a sense, what would that look like?...

You guys know I love to be happy. You could call it my one true mission in life. Every day I at least try to bring color and laughter and contentment to the world through whatever I'm doing. But that's not what really gets me excited. What brings me the MOST joy is trying to help other people do that. When those of you out there comment, text, tweet, email or whatever me and let me know that something I have written here has affected you positively, it's the greatest feeling in the entire world. It makes me feel like there's a bigger purpose to what I'm doing (beyond silly parenthetical expressions and craft projects.)

As much as I love talking (and if you've met me, you know I LOVVVE talking), I think I love listening  even more. I love hearing stories from other people's lives and finding out what motivates them or what gets them excited. I love that people have different experiences and different opinions than me, and I enjoy the challenge of putting myself in their shoes. But though we're all different, I believe (or hope, rather) that the one thing that connects us is our desire to be happy.

So that's what I want my legacy to be. Helping other people live their happiest, most joyful, most free lives.

How am I going to do that? I have no freaking idea. Don't worry, I'm not going to run off and become a yoga instructor or a life coach or what have you, but I hope it will be something. Whether it's just through the evolution of this blog, or it's a future business, or it's some weird underground coffee shop where everyone congregates to sip lattes and craft until the wee hours of the morning, who knows! All I know is that it's something to think about as I move forward into the next year.

So what did we learn here? Well, pretty much nothing, I suppose. I don't know what this ambiguous goal is or how I'm going to get there. All I know is that the seed is now firmly planted in my mind. I simply wanted to get my thoughts down and share them with you all so that, one day, probably years from now, when I have created what I hope will be my legacy, I can look back to this blog and know it started today.

Do you feel like you know what you want your legacy to be? 

a friday fave (or five) | little holiday lovelies

It's been a rough few days around these parts. While I won't get into specifics, I will say that sometimes it's the simple things in life that bring us comfort. Right now I'm holding on to the holiday spirit desperately and allowing the joy that this season brings to wrap me up like a warm blanket. As lights go up around us, holiday specials begin airing on TV and Christmas tree lots pop up on every corner, I'm reminded of cherished Christmas memories from my childhood. The excitement, the tradition, the joy of it all.

And so today I thought I'd share with you five simple holiday items that are filling me with the holiday spirit. These things have me counting down the days until Christmas and they make me smile in spite of whatever kind of day I'm having.

i hate running and why that's okay

Saturday was a bit of a milestone, friends. I did something which seemed virtually impossible to me. I ran my very first 5K.

Now, I know what you're thinking... 5K? Really? Philanthropic college students can run 5Ks when they're hungover. Elementary school kids probably run a 5K in laps around the jungle gym. And I'll be honest, whenever I heard of people competing in 5K races, it's not like I belittled their accomplishments, but it just never occurred to me that it would be something huge enough to celebrate.

UNTIL NOW.

no-tech turkey day

Almost five days spent off the grid, and boy did it feel good. Jason and I left for Washington, D.C. to visit his family last Wednesday morning (at 4:45 am to be exact... yikes!) and a part of me had every intention of documenting our whole thanksgiving production. I pictured myself capturing fallen leaves on neighborhood streets and family candids throughout the weekend. However, the second I touched down in D.C., all I wanted to do was just be.

handmade happiness | the jam stand

Handmade Happiness is a series featuring young entrepreneurs who have taken their passions and talents and turned them into full-time gigs. For more info on why I wanted to share these stories, start here!

First off, thanks to everyone who shared their excitement after yesterday's post about starting this series. I think professional happiness is a huge part of leading a fulfilled and joyful life, and I hope that some of you out there are inspired by stories shared here.

We're kicking things off with two jazzy jam-makers from the Brooklyn area! I met Jessica Quon and Sabrina Valle at UF when we were all in the same sorority, Delta Gamma. They were a few years ahead of me, but I was always struck by how bubbly and fun they were - personalities that would definitely shine through in their future business endeavor.

new feature alert | handmade happiness

"Your dream job does not exist; you must create it."

You all may have seen that friendly little reminder floating around Pinterest and what not. And to some it may seem like just another of the many inspirational tidbits that graze our consciousness daily, but this is one mantra I happen to believe with all my heart.

let this be the week | you make time for family

Making time for family might be a no brainer for some of you out there, most of you even. And I'd like to say that I'm one of those people that will drop everything to spend time with my family, no questions asked.

But if I'm being really honest with myself, the truth is that family is usually the last thing I make time for. Maybe it's because I think they'll always be there or because I know that they love me, but it's the easiest thing to feel like I don't have to "work on."

Until recently. Last week I had a reminder of just how important (and fulfilling) family time can be, and while this may not be your typical cheery Monday post, I still feel it's important to share, not only for me (hello, blog therapy) but for all of us with aging family members because it's something that we all will encounter.

a friday fave | retro-modern prints from restyle

Things are a bit crazy around here for a Friday, but I still wanted to bring you guys a little bit of happiness today. (Though, let's be honest, the fact that it's Friday is all anyone really needs to be happy, right?)

Last year for Christmas, Jason bought me this print from ReStyle Shop on Etsy, and I've been in love with their style ever since.

let this be the week | 05

(original image via Florever on Society6 | text by me)

You know those mornings you wake up and you just know it's going to be a productive day? Yeah... well those don't happen to me often. On Sundays especially, I prefer soaking up my last precious seconds of the weekend from the comfort of my couch, enriching my mind with something thoroughly thought-provoking like a back to back lineup of Reese Witherspoon movies on USA or a Law & Order: SVU marathon. But for some reason unknown to me, yesterday was an exception. I woke up, and suddenly I was a woman on a mission. I made lists, I mapped out the most effective route to all four of my errand destinations, I had a PLAN.

In one Sunday I managed to buy groceries, pick up some household items at Target, buy new sheets for our bed (we've been washing the same sheets over and over for about two years now), spend my World Market gift card on new decor items for my studio, dust and vacuum the house, wash our new sheets and dress the bed, finally hang up my "clothes pile" (this is what Jason calls the inevitable pileup of discarded outfits that congregates on our dresser), prepare dinner for Jas and I from our Everyday Paleo cookbook, AND make a fall wreath, which will be featured in an upcoming blog post. That may not seem like a ton, but for my complete lack of domestic skills, it's a miracle. I felt like Susie Homemaker, and I actually really enjoyed it.

Now while it's great that I accomplished my to-do list and got to toot my own horn for a bit, don't go calling me Martha Stewart yet. The length of my list did make it glaringly obvious just how long I had put off some tasks. I mean, for over a week I had continued to shower even though I knew I was both out of shampoo and out of shaving cream. Every shower it was the same story. I'd curse myself for not buying a new bottle, then unscrew the top and smack the bottle against my hand hoping for the last specs of residual shampoo, put the top back on and swear that I'd buy a new bottle that day. This went on for a while. Why? Because I SUCK AT LIFE. Well, not all of life, I don't really mean that as dramatically as it probably sounds. I just mean, an integral part of being an adult is having the ability to balance a lot of different facets of your daily life at once. And that's the part I really freaking suck at. What I'm saying is, I realized that I wouldn't have to pack my Sundays to the brim with to-dos if I paid any attention to those "around-the-house" tasks throughout my everyday life. Instead, I wait until the last possible second when things are causing inconvenience to my life so much that I have to do something about it. This has always been my style.

Example numero two - I was all about our new fitness and eating regimen when we were doing the 90-day-challenge because our whole lives were focused on it. However, the second we left for our two-week roadtrip, the focus shifted to work and doing a great job for the client. (Plus, let's be honest, there was ridiculously good food around every corner, so I wasn't just gonna sit idly by.) As a result I lost some of the muscle I had worked so hard to put on and now I feel all... soft. It's just hard for me to think about being healthy when it's not some big goal I'm throwing myself into.

And that's the story of my life. I've talked to you guys before about my hobby ADD. I get super passionate about things - hobbies, goals, friendships - and I give them my all until the next thing comes along and then I throw myself with equal enthusiasm into that. I've never been good at showing that kind of passion for a lot of different things at one time. Which is kind of what you need for daily balance right?

This is how things go right now... I focus on my blog for a few weeks and get all excited about that... Then I realize I've been neglecting the house so I work on improving that... then my personal friendships... then my fitness and health... then A MILLION OTHER THINGS. The list goes on.

But I want to change that. I want all these parts of my life to be a daily journey, not bopping from one to another whenever the mood strikes me. So this is my challenge to myself this week. I'm going to create a daily checklist of sorts where I can reference it at any time and try to at least acknowledge these different parts of my life on a daily basis.

I know myself well enough to know that maybe I won't be able to integrate this into my daily life, but I want to experiment with it for a week and see how I do. It's like when people tell you that if you just pick up around the house for 20 minutes each night before you go to bed, you wouldn't be so overwhelmed when it comes to doing a deep cleaning once a month. Doing things on a daily basis makes them easier to manage.

Here's my list below of all the elements I'm trying to balance in my daily life, with an example of an action for each, the idea being to do a different positive action each day that falls under each category. Maybe some of you out there are thinking about making your own lists. The items could be different for every person, but the idea is the same.

Here are mine:

FAMILY - plan lunch with my mom; offer to pick my brother up from school; call my baby sister

FRIENDS - send a card for no reason; plan a Skype date with old friends; text a friend just to say hi

RELATIONSHIP - plan a date night; offer to take on a chore; let him pick the channel for the night

WORK - help fix a process; get everything on my daily list done for once; look ahead 

HEALTH - workout; look up healthy recipes, prep healthy snacks for the week

HOME - clean the bathroom; make a fall wreath; buy new candles

HOBBIES - work on design projects; plan blog posts; craft

RELAXATION - take time to read; get a pedi; have a glass of wine

ORGANIZATION - donate old clothes to Goodwill; clean out an old closet; file mail

MONEY - organize the bills; evaluate budget

Phew... that's a lot of stuff right? I know. And it can seem overwhelming. But my thought is that somedays I'll be able to tackle bigger projects for certain areas (like cleaning out the closet... doubt that will happen during the week) and tiny, momentary things for others. But at least being mindful of all these things once a day will help me feel more balanced all the time, not letting things pile up on me.

There you have it. That's what I'm working on this week. Daily balance - paying attention (or at least trying to pay attention) to all facets of my life at once. I hope you'll join me and let me know how it's going - let's make it a great week!

// Okay guys, help me out. What did I forget? Anything glaring? Would you have added any other categories? How do you find balance in your daily life? //

let this be the week | 04

You didn't think I was going to let you venture into the great unknown of this first week in October without a little life-update-slash-tiny-nugget-of-motivation post to kick it off, did ya? Come on, I wouldn't do you like that. 

See, in case you haven't noticed, I've been trying to pass off these little let this be the week posts as words of encouragement for you all (and don't get me wrong, they are) but I have to selfishly admit that it usually comes from a place of trying to motivate myself first. Whatever I need to hear each week, whatever I'm struggling with or whatever I'm challenged by, that's what I write and I figure, hey, maybe there's somebody out there like me who needs to hear the same thing. 

So there, I said it - this post is selfish. However, I think the points I lose for selfishness I actually gain for honesty, so I like to think I'm kind of at a karmic equilibrium of sorts. (Yes, my friends, that's what we here at CCH like to call crazy person logic and my head is full of it.)  

Speaking of crazy, I'd like to divulge another little truth to you all. I'm really sorry I hardly posted at all last week, but I've literally been spending every single free moment of my time working on my new site. To the point of let's say... extreme enthusiasm. (Which is a nice way of saying borderline obsessive.) I've mentioned it a few times, but I'm trying to kick things up a notch around here. I've had a dream since I started this blog last year to design the whole thing from the ground up, create an entire look and feel that's all my own. But there's only one problem with that dream: you have to finish the design in order to actually bring it to life. 

I started this project back in May. Seriously, MAY. I'm proud of what I've been able to develop thus far, and I thought I was in a place where things were almost done, but then it struck me. Crippling insecurity. Irrational levels of indecision. I was obsessed with tweaking things until they were "just right" and up until now, I still haven't been satisfied. I'd start by changing one simple thing and then it was like this wild Photoshop-layer snowball effect and I couldn't stop it. SOMEBODY HELP ME STOP IT.

In all seriousness though, making decisions is a hard thing for me and it always has been. Especially when it comes to design where the possibilities are literally endless. Endless! There's so much pressure to get it right and to create something I'm still going to love a year from now. 

But after five months of endless obsessing, I've determined it's time - it has to be time - to make a decision. To go with one of the infinite versions I've created and to let go of this insecurity. Because that's the trouble with being decisive, isn't it? The insecurity. What if I get it wrong? What if people don't like it? But as the whatifs march on, so does time. So I'm at the point where I've realized I can either wait around, basically sabotaging my own dream with indecision, or I can make a move and be at peace with that. 

And that's my goal this week. DECIDE. (Which is fantastic news to my developer, I imagine.) I still have no idea what the final product will be, but I'm just going to trust my instincts and see what happens because any site at this point is better than the site that never saw the light of day. 

So, while, yes, this post centers around a major challenge I've encountered myself, I hope it speaks to a lot of you out there too. I think we can all admit that we struggle with uncertainty. (At least I'm pretty sure we all do. Even if you're one of those super-confident people and you're magically uncertainty-less, I actually have SO MUCH of it that by redistributing my insecurity, all of you uber certain people now have it too. Like I said, crazy person logic. Just embrace it.) 

Those are my thoughts for the week. Do you have a major decision that's been plaguing you for a while? Do you play the what if game as much as I do? If so, I hope this is the gentle nudge that gives you the confidence to finally decide. If I can do it, I know you can do it. 

let this be the week | 03

photo by happeemonkee on Etsy | buy it here! | type by me

This blog represents a lot of things in my life. It's a creative outlet, an inspiration catalog, a source of joy. Sometimes it's a monkey on my back, whispering nagging reminders to me about my atrocious track record of following through on things. Sometimes it's simply a way for me to vent - for me to untangle the knots of thoughts or emotions that keep me up at night. But most of all I think this blog has become a place to document my journey with happiness. 

Happiness can be such a broad, grand topic, I know, but for me it's the thread that runs through every decision and every moment of my life. It's not a black or white issue, a yes or no question, "Are you happy?" Instead, to me, happiness is made up of an infinite number of granular questions that all fit together into a bigger picture. It's more like "Are you making decisions every moment that allow you to be happy?" 

I wish I could put my finger on the moment when personal, daily happiness became my North Star, the thing guiding me through each new chapter of my life, but I can't. All I know is that from an early age, whether through my parents' teaching or my own realization, I learned that happiness is a choice.

So many times we treat happiness like a passive emotion. XYZ happened and therefore I'm happy, or XYZ happened and therefore I'm unhappy. I won't deny that this is the case more often than not - an event triggers an emotion. Cause and effect. Right? But what so many of us forget is that happiness can be an active emotion too. XYZ happened and I choose to feel happy. XYZ happened, but in spite of that I will choose to be happy. XYZ keeps happening, so I need to make changes in order to be happy.

Listen, I know it's not as easy as it sounds. Sometimes you have a crappy day and everything goes wrong and you want to cry. Hey, I've been there. I'm not afraid to admit I LOVE to cry it out. Quite often, in fact. Queen of the ugly cry over here. But next time that happens, remind yourself that you're experiencing the passive emotion. The response emotion. And after that passes, take a second, and remember that you can choose the active emotion. You can choose happiness. You pick yourself up, and you do something that brings you joy. Call a friend, take a bubble bath, search "puppies" on YouTube. Run as fast as you can towards happiness, and pretty soon, you'll be so intent on trying to catch it, you won't have time to feel that passive emotion creep back in.

And if you start to realize that the cry-it-out days are beginning to outweigh the smiling days, that's when you REALLY gotta kick that active happiness into gear and you have to make some big decisions. Maybe even some tough decisions.

Now let me assure you, it's not all puppies and rainbows, people. Happiness is hard work! It requires mindfulness, patience, control, and like I said, making hard decisions. Sometimes in its pursuit, I've had to be selfish. And other times in its pursuit, I've needed to be completely selfless. I've been in funks so deep that "chasing after happiness" felt more like clawing after it at a snail's pace. But I'm telling you, it works.

So that is my tidbit of wisdom for this week. I know I can be a bit of a quack, and I whole-heartedly appreciate those of you that humor me. But I only write this stuff because I live it and I believe it. We are all blessed to be on this earth, and we truly can do ANYTHING we want to do and be as happy as we want to be. It's just a matter of how much effort we're willing to put in to get there.

This morning I woke up, the faintest bit of chill in the air (a godsend for those of us here in Florida) and  I thought, now that's something to be happy about.

This week I challenge you to choose happiness. In the moments that it comes easily - like crisp Fall mornings - AND in the moments that it doesn't - the cry-it-out days.

Thanks for hanging out with me here, as always. On the harder days, your responses are a sure-fire way for me to find my way back to happiness.

let this be the week | 02

 photo by kitoki on Etsy / buy it here! / type by me

Life on the road has been busy to say the least, but I'm having the absolute time of my life. I couldn't have asked for a better road trip crew. I may be the only girl, but I don't mind because Jason, Sean and Nick have kept me in stitches in the entire trip, which makes the long days of travel definitely go by much faster.

Eating my way up the East Coast, meeting new people with their unique stories, experiencing cities I've never been to - I honestly can't believe this is my job.

I've been doing a lot more writing than I anticipated, but not necessarily for posts that live here. I've been doing daily recaps on our company blog, and while I know I'll look back and appreciate that we have each and every detail written down after it's all said and done, right now it's a bit exhausting recounting our experiences every day. Granted, I mostly find myself writing while we're stuffed into an SUV which isn't the most conducive of writing environments. (I also feel like I'm getting less funny as we go on, which I am NOT okay with.)

Last night we finally had a night to rest and so I did what I normally do when I have some personal time - brainstorm new posts, catch up on my favorite blogs, look for inspiration, etc. As I was hopping and bopping between blogs, I found some new design studios and creative blogs that I really liked, which of course had me excited (who doesn't love a shiny new blog to obsess over, right?)

The only problem is that lately when I find a new site that I absolutely love, I'm having a lot of trouble just appreciating it. Instead, all I can think about is how it's not mine. And suddenly everything I love about my own blog isn't good enough. The design's all wrong. My consistency is off. My photography, amateur. It can literally drive me nuts. Especially coming from a background in advertising, I can't help but want this clearly defined 'brand' evident in everything I do.

But here's the thing. I don't have that all figured out yet, nor do I want to. This blog of mine has come a heck of a long way in just a short year and a half, and my design skills/aesthetic certainly have evolved too. I want to see what things will look like in another year and half and keep this constant growth going. I'm not going to have some professional looking creative brand overnight. It just doesn't happen.

As creatives, I think it's natural for us to sometimes doubt ourselves. We constantly want to be better so we keep revising, restyling, reworking. I have to remind myself daily of that age old saying, "Comparison is the thief of joy." Boy, that's the truth, ain't it? When we start focusing so intently on the success of others, we start to lose sight of our own successes.

So this week I've decided I want to work on letting go. Letting go of what I think this blog should be, and instead focus on what it is - something that I am very proud of and something that brings me happiness.

And I encourage you to do the same.

Let this be the week you let go.

Let go of perfection.

Let go of comparison.

Let go of the expectations you may have for yourself that are somehow making you feel inadequate.

Whatever is weighing you down, keeping you from feeling proud of your accomplishments or confident about what you have yet to accomplish, just let go.

Happy thoughts to you all this week! If you want more clumsiness, more craftiness, and most important, more happiness, you can now find me on Facebook!

As always, thank you for reading!

bright lights, bull city

It's been almost two years since I lived in Durham. It was the first place I lived when I graduated high school, the place I called home while I tried my hand at that tricky thing called adulthood. I may not have stayed long, but it was certainly long enough to make a lasting impact on me. 

The city of Durham was one that I grew up hearing a lot about. My dad graduated from Duke law, and so - as all true Dukies do - he raised me to love and celebrate all things Blue Devil-related, including the city of Durham. In fact, I think I vaguely remember stopping there on a family reunion trip up to Virginia back when I was a kid, although I don't remember it well enough to know what my impression of the city was. All I can tell you is that there was a sense of familiarity with the place before I even spent my first night there as a resident. 

What are you more jealous of? My pink Keds or my lack of hair? (Also, why did I know how to curtsy as a two year old?)

So in the early summer of 2010, it was no surprise to me that I fell in love with the character of the Bull City. The aesthetic of the area itself is one that I always loved. Durham has this delicate balance of industrial boldness and delicate, historical beauty. You look around and your field of vision is constantly filled with gorgeous juxtapositions of cold steel and warm, rustic wood, of brick walls and wildflowers. I love that downtown is peppered with old smokestacks from tobacco plants and the weathered impressions of company names being worn off brick walls. There's something even about the railroad tracks that I find interesting and charming about the city. From the moment I arrived it felt like my kind of city, if that makes any sense. Like my spirit and its spirit were somehow old friends. 

And today I got to see my old friend. 

As we were driving from Columbia to Washington, D.C., Durham serendipitously fell almost perfectly half-way along our route. When Jason suggested stopping in for lunch, my entire face lit up. It was so unexpected, and I found my brain frantically scanning the list of friends to quickly contact and places I might want to go. It was odd - I was so happy, but I also felt this strange feeling of anxiety, like I wasn't ready to be back. I hadn't prepared. It's so funny how places in our lives can be tied so strongly to our emotions. It's just a place, after all, and I was only going to be there about a half hour, but the experience brought with it so many things. 

When we drove into the city and I started recognizing where I was, so many feelings came flooding back. There was familiarity and warmth, of course, from returning to a place that was such a pivotal point in my young adulthood. But there was also the fear and uncertainty I felt moving to a city where I knew not a single soul. 

It's been two years since I lived there, and on one hand it felt like time had stood still. We drove by my old street and my first apartment - an old, creaky house renovated into four units - and I think I thought at any moment we were going to just pull into my driveway and I'd make the trek up my uneven, rickety stairs up to my front door. But on the other hand, it felt as if everything had changed. I was so uncertain of who I was back then and in the past two years I feel that I've really begun to figure all of that out. That's not to say I feel much older (I definitely do not), but I do feel that I've come into my own in a way. Feeling like such a different person now kind of made it seem like I was walking around on some sort of movie set or a biographical tour - like this environment belonged to someone else, sometime a long time ago, and I was just there to observe. Despite the whole range of emotions that came over me, the overall impression was just as though you had passed by a favorite friend from your distant past. There's an unspoken connection between you simply for the time you spent together and the memories you share. 

Still, I can't even fully express the happiness that came over me when we were there today. The air had a cool breeze to it, a lucky break because it does get to be pretty scorching in the summer. It was like the whole city was teetering on the edge of fall. There's a part of me that wishes I could've spent more time there back in 2010. It's not so much a regret - I certainly don't have any of those because I think I'm walking the best possible path for myself right now - it's just more of a wistful feeling, like I wish the timing would have been better or that there was a position for me up there that was right. But even if it was hard to leave a place that was so good to me, I'm glad I left when I did because I was following my happiness. While I loved Durham, the people there and my agency, there was something even better waiting for me in Florida. There was family, the promise of a great relationship, and, most important, there was the chance to grow into my authentic self, something I continue to try and do every day. 

The Bull City will always have a special place in my heart. It's where I proved to myself that I could live on my own and make friends in a place completely foreign to me. It's also where I found out just how valuable my happiness is to me, and what I'm willing to sacrifice in order to pursue it. That high value I established early in my adulthood has turned out to be my guiding light. My willingness to walk away from a place that I loved so much taught me one fundamental thing about myself - as far as I'm concerned, it's not about where you are, it's about who you're with. 

Until next time, Durham. Thanks for everything.  

let this be the week | 01

photo uploaded to Pinterest by Laura Corvalan // type by clumsy crafty happy

Happy Monday! Still on the road and having a blast in Atlanta. While I'm out exploring the city, I thought maybe I'd kick off the week with some inspiration for you. 

Mondays are always that time when I try to set my mood for the week and get motivated. I was actually inspired by Megan over at The Fresh Exchange (one of my favorite blogs!) and her "this weekend" posts which always seem to put me in a great mood for the weekend. 

So this week, I think what we should all try to do is see ourselves in an entirely new way. Think you're weak? You're not. You're strong. Think you're scared? Nope, you're fearless. You're creative. You're powerful. You're AWESOME. 

So whatever you think you're not, take another look. You might surprise yourself. 

Now go kick this week in the pants! Whatever you've been wanting to do... do it! 

so you hate your first job

Preface: I received a Facebook message last night from a very talented friend of mine looking for some advice. Three months into her first job, she has realized that it is not for her. It's not what she expected, and she knows in her heart it's not right for her. She knew - as many of you might since I've been so transparent about it on this blog - that I left my first job after only seven months, and she was looking for some advice on what to do, knowing that only working somewhere for three months isn't exactly a high point on a resume. I responded to her message happy to help, and then realized that my advice to her could apply to many more people that hate their jobs, so I decided to post it here. 

These are the steps I took when I finally knew in my heart I was headed down a path that wasn't right for me. I hope it helps any young people out there that are fresh in the workforce and already feeling trapped. 

-----

You, my dear, have come to the right place. I know EXACTLY how you feel. When it was all said and done, I actually stayed close to about 7 months at my first job, but I was about 4 months into it when I realized it wasn't the right place for me. If you've told anyone how you feel, I'm sure many of them have said Wait it out. Give it a year, and if you're still unhappy then move on. Well, the problem with that is... IT'S A YEAR. In my opinion that's way too long to be unhappy. But that's just kind of something you have to decide for yourself. If you DO want to start looking for another job, here are some things I suggest. 

1. Decide what it is you don't like about your current position. // Is it the structure? The monotony? The tasks themselves? The only way to make sure you don't move backwards in whatever else you choose to do is to be really honest with yourself about what you hate about your current job. You may find that everything you hate about project management is really advertising in general (ie. the deadlines, the pressure) in which case you may want to look outside of that realm. For me, media planning was too much money to (sometimes arbitrarily) play with and too much pressure (literally I'd get heart palpitations, and I'm not afraid to admit it.) I also didn't feel like I had enough freedom to come up with ideas. I felt like I was always executing on someone else's ideas. That's certainly not the agency's fault - I think anyone in an entry-level position isn't going to get to come up with the home run of an idea that you can build a campaign around, but I knew that it might be possible to make a bigger impact somewhere smaller. I knew that whatever I did next, I wanted it to be a much more flexible structure (ie. not TWO supervisors plus TWO direct reports, which inevitably makes you feel like you're simultaneously walking on eggshells and being pulled in four directions) and something that would allow me to be creative. Knowing what you don't like is the first step. 

2. Think about what you do like! // (Kind of obvious, right?) Once you know what you don't want to do, think about what you really do want to do! Look at this as an opportunity to start over - to get a fresh start knowing what you know now. And hey, shoot for the moon because you never know where you could end up. Want to do social media for a nonprofit? Want to be an assistant editor for a fashion blog? Want to be a personal assistant for Emma Stone? (Okay, that one was for me.) Who knows - the sky is the limit. Seriously, think long and hard about this one because if you make this move it won't be easy and you want to make sure it's worth the trouble. I decided that I wanted to do something related to social media because that's what I was passionate about, and so once I made that decision, it was a lot easier to focus my attention completely on looking for a job in that field. (I'll also say that luckily for me at the time, not having experience in social media was kind of irrelevant because NO ONE had experience in social media. Is there a new field or position on the horizon that you might want to do? That's a possible strategy for trying to downplay your lack of experience.)

As a caveat I would say also explore whether what you like to do could be found at your current company. If you're really at the end of your rope but LOVE the company you're working for, it could be as easy as talking to someone in HR or a supervisor about what other opportunities there are in different departments. If I didn't know that I wanted to move back to Jacksonville so badly, I definitely would have gone this route because I adored McKinney as a workplace. Plus, at that point, you really have nothing to lose. 

3. Once you've narrowed it down and you know you definitely want to leave, start updating your resume. // I know it's in your head that you've only been working there three months, so you're thinking, Isn't this going to look bad to a potential employer? And it might - but only to some. I always thought to myself, if I prove to a future employer that I can be valuable to them and that I'm the best candidate for the job, then they won't care. And if they ask about it, just know that you have a good reason for leaving. Make sure you can articulate in an interview why it was a good move for you and why this position is different. You want to absolve their fears about investing in you only for you to leave unexpectedly. You just kind of have to have the confidence and attitude that you're valuable. 

Also, sit down and think about all the skills you've honed in your position in your short months and how that can be applied to the new position you're interested in. For me, having an understanding of audience targeting and segmentation, managing big budgets on my own, and having experience with advanced analytics were all really valuable in applying for my new job because they didn't have anyone on the social team with that background and they knew I'd be a well-rounded asset for them. Finding a new job won't happen right away, so with every day at your current position, think about what projects and opportunities you can be a part of before you leave that could be great fodder for a potential interview. (It will also help the days go by faster too because it will feel like you're working toward something better.) 

4. Use your network! // This is a biggie. Once you know the type of positon you're looking for, there are tons of ways to go about looking for jobs. You can use the typical methods like looking on indeed.com, Talent Zoo, etc. but I personally think that that the best way to get a job is to work your network. All three jobs I've had since college I got by making connections inside the company. When I was at McKinney looking for a new job, my boyfriend told me there was a girl in Jacksonville that knew everyone when it came to social media, so I got her email address and sent her a copy of my resume, telling her I was looking for a position in that realm. I spent a long time making it personal and sincere. She didn't even know me that well but she happened to be on the American Marketing Association board with a social media manager at an agency in town and she knew they were looking for someone before they ever even posted about the job. She passed my resume on and I was the first candidate across their desk so I had a leg up. 

You never know who is going to know someone or who is going to help you, so I would suggest sending personal emails to anyone and everyone that you think could help you out. Even if a small fraction pass your info along, that could be what you need to get your dream job! (I also believe strongly in doing that for other people since it has helped me out so many times. I love getting messages like yours or passing along a resume I think is strong because it makes me feel good to know I'm kind of paying it forward in a way.) 

I would also add that connections can be made in the most unlikely of ways as well. Use social media to connect with people in the field you want a job in and form real relationships. Those connections could prove to be useful as well. I got my first job at McKinney because I followed their blog religiously and one night I read a post by one of their Senior Account Planners that spoke to me. I did some stalking on LinkedIn to get the format of the agency's email addresses and just sent him an email, hoping it would get to him. He ended up agreeing to a lunch meeting when I was in the area and gave me a nice recommendation with their HR department. Which leads me to the point...

5. Work every single lead! (and try to stay sane.) // The job process is a very uncertain one as you know - it can take two weeks or it can take months. So while you're doing all of this, keep it quiet and just keep working every lead you possibly can. I probably started putting out my feelers four months into my stint but didn't find the right job until about five months in. With interviews and everything I finally left at about seven months, so it's definitely a process. Keep your head up and look for things with your job that you do enjoy. Power through and focus on the fact that you'll be happier soon! I know how much it sucks to know you're not in the right place for you, even if the agency itself is really great (mine was!)

I'm happy to help you look over your resume or give you feedback on any opportunities/positions. The biggest part is going to be knowing what questions to ask this time around so you don't find yourself at a place you hate. 

Every day there are people in their thirties and forties that wake up and realize the career they've built doesn't bring them any sort of satisfaction. From the beginning they got caught up in climbing the ladder and didn't get out even when they knew it wasn't for them. You may hear people tell you that 3 months in is too soon to get out, but I would argue that it's the PERFECT time. If you listen to your heart and move around while you're young, you won't have to wait until you're 30 or 40 to start over. You'll have set yourself down a more satisfying path from the beginning. 

And for what it's worth - in case you're feeling even the slightest bit the same way I did - don't feel like you couldn't hack it. There are A LOT of people in advertising (or any industry for that matter) that are unhappy but they convince themselves they love it because they don't have the courage to get out or be different or walk away. (It must also be said that there are also A LOT of people that thrive on the chaos and the pressure and love it. I'm certainly not discounting them.) There's just a difference between not being able to hack it and simply not wanting to hack it. 

Life is simply too short to do anything else than the things you love.

Good luck!

source

labor day laziness

Even though I'm at work today getting ready for our big trivia road trip, I hope all of you are blissfully absent from your computers, laying by a pool or on a boat or snuggled up under a blanket on your couch with a marathon of this, that, or the other on Netflix. (Seriously, six seasons of Dawson's Creek. You won't regret it... Unless you're male. Then you'll want to run away).

Today is the ONE day that laziness is not frowned upon, so soak up every last second and enjoy every drop left of summer. I'll see you folks back here soon - Happy Labor Day!

Photo by alice b. gardens photography (Buy this pretty print here!)
Text overlay by me

the birthday surprise of my dreams

Girls out there, you know when you go to an awesome rom-com with your girlfriends (for the sake of the hypothetical, let's just say it's starring Ryan Gosling or Ryan Reynolds... what can I say, I'm a visual gal) and the guy in the movie - though tragically flawed at first of course - eventually comes around and plans some amazingly sweet gesture to whisk the lovely heroine off her feet? Yeah, that doesn't happen in real life.

Or so I thought.

I, too, was one of the girls in the audience of those movies left wistfully fantasizing of the day my dream guy would do the same for me. (Yes, I'm aware, I'm a huge cheeseball. It's one of my many charms - just accept it.) And of course, my more logical sensibilities would inevitably come over me, reminding me that things like that - grand romantic gestures - happen only in the movies. Expecting any man to stack up to a fictional character in creativity would only lead to disappointment, right?

Right.

... kind of.

Sometimes, apparently, just when you think life is predictably more mundane than a rom-com, it winks playfully at you and reminds you to dream big and revel in the fantasy of grand gestures. Which is exactly what happened when my very own Ryan Reynolds Gosling planned an enormously crafty and impressively deceptive surprise birthday trip for me to New York City.

Umm... yeah. That happened. In real life.

It took me about a week to fully accept that I didn't dream the whole thing (Some of you might be laughing, but I sleep LIKE A LOG and have some intensely realistic dreams so that's not an entirely ridiculous notion.) But due to popular demand (popular meaning my mother) and for sake of posterity, I thought I'd let the whole charade unfold again here on the blog in case any of you ladies out there want hope that there are real, in-the-flesh, non-fictional gentlemen out there (even ones that are kind of romantically... "moderate" let's say) that are fully capable of ginormous, wonderful surprises.

Let us begin with how completely and totally oblivious I was.

For several weeks leading up to my birthday, Jason only mentioned the day a handful of times and it was usually something like "What do you want to do?" or "Where do you want to eat?" successfully making me think there had been little to no planning involved. I also had planned a get together with several of my sorority sisters and close friends coming into town for a big dinner and girls' night out on Friday night (my birthday being on a Thursday.) I specifically asked Jason if it was okay to plan something on Friday night, you know, secretly hoping he might say something like "Tell your friends you can't - you'll be in Paris!" (pronounced "pair-EE" in that little scenario, in case you were wondering...) but completely expecting for him to say "Go for it!" which he did. So in the days leading up to my Thursday birthday, I thought things would be fantastical, but standard... a couple family dinners, maybe a fun lunch away from the office on my actual birthday, and a friend celebration on the weekend. That in itself is more than I could ever want or ask for. But Jason clearly had more up his sleeve.

Wednesday night I had plans with my Dad. We went out to dinner just the two of us while I left Jason at home working. After a lovely meal, I returned home with NO expectation whatsoever of starting my celebration a few hours early. But as I approached our front door, it quickly became obvious that the birthday festivities were beginning. This is what I came home to:

Hard to tell, but that little dot is a candle (nice touch, right?) and that card says Carol on it. FOR MOI??! (That's what the caption would say if a picture of my reaction had been captured in that moment...)

And here's what it said....

And yes, that chipped nail polish is as atrocious-looking as you think it is. (Whatever, it kind of speaks to my sensibility. It says, I care about my appearance enough to paint my nails, but I'm easy going enough that I don't need a manicure 24/7... One of the MANY genius rationalizations I tell myself. Feel free to use it.

More importantly though, it was a freaking SCAVENGER HUNT, ya'll! I forget that some of you readers out there don't know everything about me, but I LOVE scavenger hunts. And Jason knows this so he has pretty much mastered the art of the scavenger hunt for special occasions. (Seriously though, his clues are the bomb.)

I won't bore you all with every single card in the hunt, but I will tell you there were six different cards. SIX! All with a different tone/message and another clue. I ran around the whole house and as the hunt went on I began to gather through deductive reasoning (and by deductive reasoning I actually mean just reading) that we were going on a trip of some sort. I was told to pack a bathing suit, a "nice dress" and that we were going somewhere that Justin Bieber loves. Needless to say my head was spinning with conjectures.

If you look closely you can see all the different names on each of the cards...

Yeah. That's a bobble head. My boyfriend has a bobble head of himself.  Creepy? Nahhhhh....

The card scavenger hunt culminated in this clever little "boarding pass" to "destination unknown." Okay, this is the point where I have to say, could it be any cuter? There's a freaking BAR CODE. That's called attention to detail, people (Although, no, it doesn't scan. I asked.)

At that point I was thinking, okay, we're going on a trip somewhere. The card said wake up at 5am ready to hit the road. It also said bring your bathing suit, so maybe it's somewhere beachy, but it can't be too far away because we have to drive there. Key West? Destin? Jekyll Island? That was pretty much as far as I'd let my imagination go. (Except of course when three minutes before I finally fell asleep he casually mentioned I should throw my passport in my purse... then the ideas were flying! Damn red herring... I couldn't fall asleep for the longest time!)

5 am came and I zipped out of bed like a kid on Christmas morning. (Come to think of it, that's actually exactly how it felt. To experience that unmistakable, child-like feeling of anticipation and excitement again as a 24-year-old is a gift in itself.) I paid very close attention to which way we were going as we headed off into the darkness of early morning. At that point I still thought it was highly unlikely we'd fly anywhere, especially because Jason didn't seem in any hurry to rush me out the door (apparently he was just playing it incredibly cool.) Until we got off at the exit for the airport. At that point the possibilities seemed limitless. I had no idea where we were going, but the fact that we were flying there seemed amazing to me. I'll never forget that feeling as we walked through the airport, like I was living in a "choose your own adventure" book and the story was dependent upon which gate we were going to walk up to.

Jason wouldn't even let me see my own boarding pass - he checked in and went through all of security holding it for me.

Jason printing our boarding passes as I'm exiled from the check-in kiosk...

Unfortunately the Jacksonville airport only has about 12 gates so I didn't get all the fun of approaching a bunch of gates and then passing them. Instead, we approached the first gate in the terminal and Jason started to slow down. I feel like when I glanced over to see the destination everything kind of went in slow motion (wait... no... that was because I got up at 5am... I literally was moving in slow motion.) When I finally saw the gate marquee, I swear I literally almost cried, a) because I'm an emotional basket-case of a woman and b) because for months I had this longing nostalgia for New York. I lived there for a summer years ago and something lately had been calling me back. The fact that we were just hours away from a whole NYC adventure was more than I could take.

Disclaimer: this is actually not my real reaction. In the first photo taken I'm not only on the verge of tears but I'm struggling to keep my eyes open - again, it's 6am at that point - so in the photo I kind of looked like I had a lazy eye. I vetoed posting that on Instagram so this is take #2. 

After the initial excitement though, I started to get a little worried. "Wait, we're coming back tomorrow morning then?" I couldn't figure out how we were going to do this trip AND still keep my plans with my girlfriends. "I took care of it," he said. That sneaky little thing called my friends after I made plans and had them move it to Saturday. They had been in on it the whole time! The amount of expert deception in my immediate circle of friendship is impressive, I must say.

The whole flight there was a blur (convenient since I HATE flying with a passion), and the second we touched down around 9am I was in full-on happy tourist mode. I wanted to take pictures of everything.

Like this irrelevant photo of me waiting for our car to pick us up. Or this photo (one of several) of  random buildings out the window. (Whatever, I thought it looked SOOOO "New York."

First we had to stop at our hotel to drop off our luggage. Jason told me in the car that our room wouldn't be ready until about 2pm so we could "go to a Starbucks or something to work." The funny thing about an epic surprise of this magnitude is that you start to think everything the orchestrator tells you is a lie. When he said that I rolled my eyes at him and said "yeah, Starbucks, okay..."

As it turns out, the room actually wasn't ready. But the hotel was gorgeous! We stayed at a place called The Benjamin at 50th and Lexington. (I know what you're thinking, and yes, the amount of times that I used the phrase "It's all about The Benjamin, baby!" over those two days was borderline embarrassing.) The location was perfect because we were right in Midtown at the center of everything. The hotel had a really cool mix of vintage and modern style. I also loved that it was kind of dark and romantic.

Can we just imagine for a moment how long the torso would have to be on the human that fits in that chair  perfectly? 

And don't even get me started on the service. The people were so nice. They were in on the whole surprise so they really made me feel special the whole time we stayed there. They kept tweeting at me as we made our way around the city - it was so cool that they were keeping up with the whole trip.

While we waited for our room to be ready, the unbelievably attentive doorman Jonathan recommended a great breakfast place on the same block as our hotel. I had forgotten how ridiculously fast the service is in New York! Man, they were pumpin' out some breakfast. After that we did actually go to Starbucks to work for a few hours. I guess our sponsor for the week would not have been very happy if all we did was play around in New York for two days ignoring the internet. I really didn't mind though. Working at a Starbucks in New York is like people-watching heaven. The amount of awkward business conversations and hilarious gossip I overheard, coupled with the abundant bold fashion statements that kept walking by was enough to keep me entertained.

We headed back to the hotel around 2pm to get ready for Jason's live video show and to settle into the room. I have to also mention for The Benjamin's sake that our room was enormous as far as New York hotel rooms go. We had a suite with a separate living room/mini kitchen and a large bedroom.

Love this shot from the window of our room. Such fun shapes! 

After hanging out and doing the show, Jason told me he had two more surprises planned for the day. Gahhh more surprises?! I started trying to get clues out of him asking him what to wear (casual), should I bring my camera (no), etc. and so I thought maybe the surprise was a massage in the hotel spa. Good guess, right? Wrong. We started walking a few blocks and pretty soon we came upon Rockefeller Plaza.

Cool! I thought. I've never been to Top of the Rock or anything so that's a fun touristy NYC thing to cross off the list. What a great surprise! Wrong again. He said it wasn't that.

Then I saw the sign for NBC studios and thought, Oh maybe we're stopping by The TODAY Show. (They did a piece on Jason last year and I know he stays in contact with some of the producers.) Still wrong.

So at that point I was all out of ideas until we walked inside 30 Rock and up to the front desk where Jason asked the woman nonchalantly, "Excuse me, where do we pick up our VIP passes to Jimmy Fallon?"

STOP. Just stop! I thought. Life, you can go ahead and pause it right there. If this is a dream I will NEVER forgive you!

And that was the second time I almost cried like a doofus. Complete and utter shock. Fallon is one of my favorite late night hosts and we had... eh hem, I'm sorry... VIP passes? I was ecstatic. Like, this ecstatic:

Forehead-wrinkles, crooked-glasses ecstatic!!! Kind of freaking out. 

And the show of course didn't disappoint. Jason and I had the first two seats in the front row which provided a complete unobstructed view of Jimmy and everything going on. The Roots were amazing and probably one of my favorite parts (I may or may not have gotten down with my bad self during their sets at the commercial breaks.) I laughed so hard the entire show that my cheeks were burning by the end.

Also, after they wrapped taping, Jimmy ran up through the audience giving people high fives, to which I obviously held out my hand. And for all of you that will never be able to experience that momentary bliss, I would just like to let you know that Mr. Fallon's hands are abnormally soft. Like, the softest hands I've ever felt. Is that a celebrity thing? Do they just have access to really, really great hand moisturizer? I don't know, but either way, now when you watch Late Night with Jimmy Fallon, you can think to yourself, "I know for a FACT that that man has incredibly soft hands." You're welcome.

Oh, I also managed to get the comedian Seth who warms up the crowd at the beginning of the show (hysterical by the way) to heckle Jason. You know when comedians ask standard questions to the audience like "Who came from far away to be here tonight" just waiting for someone to volunteer as tribute to be made fun of for a little while? Yeah... I was feeling feisty so I kind of yelled out "Florida!" hoping I'd get him to pick on Jason. Plan worked like a charm. You really can't take me anywhere.

Post Fallon. (Apparently my natural instinct to convey excitement is to open my mouth in photos. I wonder where I get that from....)

A quick jaunt (yeah, I used the word jaunt) back to the hotel to change for dinner, and lookey lookey what was waiting for us.

The question is, how did The Benjamin know that I like to get ready for dinner while downing a glass of champagne? Well played, you cheeky hotel. Well played. 

Remember that "nice dress" I was supposed to pack? This dinner surprise is apparently where that came in. (Well I assume it wasn't the right time for the bathing suit.) Anyway, for being completely unaware of where we were going or what we were doing when I stuffed my suitcase, I think we cleaned up pretty well.

So where did we go? Jason made reservations at the restaurant that was actually right around the corner from our hotel called The National. (As it turns out, The National is actually the concept of Chef Geoffrey Zakarian, the winner of "The Next Iron Chef, Super Chefs" and a regular judge on one of our favorite shows "Chopped." We had no idea until we got back from our trip. Such a cool bonus!)

That tag-looking little guy is their business card and I absolutely adore the design!

As we walked through the front door, the restaurant was filled to the brim with sounds of laughter. There were countless glasses of wine on every table and atop each was a single lit candlestick. Immediately when we walked in there was this feeling of upscale comfort. And our meal proved to be just that. As you can imagine, some of the rules in our diet were begging to be broken in honor of my birthday. And break them we did.

Shrimp, scallops, ribs, pork chops, chicken, risotto... we seriously managed to taste EVERYTHING. Not to mention I had the best cheese grits I have ever had in my life. I would have those things every single day if I could. And of course Jason made sure the restaurant knew about the surprise (I think the entire island of Manhattan was in on it at this point) so they gave us a few complimentary appetizers (the scallops were the most buttery delicious scallops I've ever had) and this amazing little concoction...

It took all my inner strength not to start shoveling the contents of this cute little vessel into my mouth... 

When it was all said and done, wine was had, tipsy photos were taken...

... and we were so full I'm surprised I didn't pass out amid the one and a half minute walk back to our room. Day one in NYC a success! (Aren't you exhausted just reading the whole thing? Well pull yourself together, we still have one full day left!!)

On Friday, we got up, did an hour of cardio to work off some of the gazillion calories we had the night before (worth every bit), grabbed breakfast at Alice's Tea Cup (yep, it's just about as emasculating as it sounds) and immediately went to Times Square to grab a cheesy tourist photo. (It was mainly so Jason could grab a photo for our weekly sponsor at the time, Pepperidge Farm, but it's kind of a fun one just to have. Listen, I'm not above cheesy tourist photos.)

Yellow cab, outstretched arm, bustling fellow tourists. Classic. 

A few more hours of Starbucks action (hey, we still have to pay the bills) and Jason mentioned he had one final surprise up his sleeve for lunch. I figured it was just a nice spot he'd picked out in a cool part of the city. Little did I know he had made plans for us to have lunch with two of our Manhattanite friends, Clay and Julia (feel free to follow them on Twitter here and here, and check out their killer productivity tips on their site WorkHacks - they're a couple of smart cookies.)

After that we only had a couple short hours before dinner, and we wanted to do something that required walking around and exploring a bit. (Not gonna lie, being strapped for time and having to plan an itinerary in NYC is a little bit anxiety-inducing, but luckily I was up for the challenge.)

One of my favorite areas of the city when I lived in New York was The High Line. It's basically an area of old raised train tracks that was converted into a mile-long park on the West Side from the Meatpacking District to Chelsea. Maybe it's because you can see the water, or because the buildings aren't quite so high, but I just love that area of the city. It's neighborhoody and artsy. Anyway, I wanted to take Jason there because he had never been and I knew there would be some great views he could photograph. Turned the tables on that little sucker. Who's thoughtful now? Yeah, that's right.

Here are some of my favorite shots:

Love the color of the buildings and the warmth of the neighborhood down there. 

I don't really know what happened here. I think I told Jas I wanted a photo of both of us but we couldn't find anyone to take it so we just backed up to a bush as if to say "Hey, we're at the High Line. There are plants here." and then called it a day.

Gorgeous street art/mural/whatever. I admit, it kind of captures my complete joy over the whole two-day adventure.  So beautiful. 

After our many photo ops at The High Line, with a little time to spare before dinner we decided that we both wanted to see the 9/11 Memorial. 9/11 is a day that both of us remember well, and it especially affected Jason's family, who was living in New York and Washington, D.C. at the time.

The memorial pools were so beautiful. The sound of the water gives off this feeling of constant motion and gives the whole thing such a powerful feeling. My favorite thing about it is how they organized all the names of those remembered by relation to one another. It means so much more than simply arranging them alphabetically. Now, not to make this whole post take a somber turn, but when you see the titles for the fire stations and police with names underneath, you can't help but be overcome with emotion. I think about all the emergency responders that lost their lives, and it just makes me feel so grateful. Those people weren't simply in the wrong place at the wrong time like so many in the towers - they willingly welcomed danger rather than fled to safety because people needed help and that's what they swore to do. All these years later it still gives me shivers, and I think seeing the memorial in person where everything happened helps you feel gratitude in a completely different way. 

The new One World Trade Center at its completion it will be the tallest building in America. Isn't it beautiful? 

Now I just want to say that Jason isn't always an emotional guy. In fact, as guys go, he's pretty great at keeping feelings to himself. So while we were walking around the site, he kept fairly quiet as we both just took it all in. However, as we were walking out of the plaza hand in hand, we passed a donation box. We were almost out, talking to each other, when he stopped dead in his tracks. He reached into his pocket and handed me a bill, nodding toward the box. Not sure what it was about that small gesture but it just warmed my heart. Even though he doesn't always wear his heart on his sleeve like his sappy counterpart, it's little things like that that remind me just how big it really is.

Thanks to our afternoon of trekking around lower Manhattan, we had worked up a pretty nice appetite at that point. For our last night in the city, we made reservations at a gourmet Mexican restaurant called Taloache (tah-lo-ah-chay) at the recommendation of our favorite Jacksonville restauranteurs, TacoLu's Don and Debbie. I'm going to be 100% honest here, at first I wasn't crazy about Mexican for our last meal. I just wasn't feeling it. But then Jason mentioned it was Don and Debbie's favorite place in the city and I knew there was no way it would disappoint. Which it did not.

You guys, almost two full weeks later and I can still taste how delicious this meal was. It was unlike any Mexican food I've ever had - cactus fries and fried avocado slices and sweet plantains (oh LORD the sweet plantains.)

We started off with cocktails (obviously) and it was hard to choose among their list of exotic margaritas. I ended up selecting something that included hibiscus flower IN the margarita and it was deceptively strong (whoops!) After that I decided I couldn't leave without at least tasting their sangria. Some girls just have principles, ya know?

Hello, gorgeous. 

On to the noms! We ordered a trio of ceviche as an appetizer. Fun fact: Jason and I both kind of hate fish with a passion unless it's sushi, but LOVE ceviche. And these three were the most delicious I've ever had (I'm using that phrase a lot, huh? Well, it's true. Then again it could be the fact I hadn't had a carb in like three months leading up to this so my system was probably so shocked to taste flavors.) Anyway, yes, ceviche. Unreal. Peanut butter chile sauce, watermelon... it was nuts.

My picture kind of makes it look all goupy but I promise it was so fresh. 

The rest of the meal just got better and better, and we even tried roasted brussel sprouts!!

Jas still thought they were gross. I thought they were yummy!

And of course, in true Jason fashion, he somehow got chummy with the manager and let him know it was my birthday celebration, furthering our already uncomfortable level of fullness with some churros for dessert (a favorite of his) and this tasty little sampler of their desserts:

So why can't I have this every night AND still fit into my jeans? Life's not fair!

Again we found ourselves on the verge of wheeling each other back to the hotel, but there's no better way to end a trip of a lifetime than with a meal of a lifetime. The next morning we got up, Jason played a quick game of basketball with some buddies and then we were headed back to Florida.

The whole trip was such a whirlwind. Of course I would have loved to try and see so many of my friends that live in New York, but our trip was so short that we kind of made a pact to just enjoy it with each other.

Words can't even express how grateful I am that Jason took the time to plan this whole thing out. I also have to thank Kelly, Jason's sweet sweet mother, who paid for my plane ticket as a birthday gift and helped make it possible, and of course my friends that kept the secret and rearranged our plans to accomodate the trip. My family, his family, my friends - everyone spoiled me for the week and there were so many times I was left thinking to myself, what in the world did I do to deserve so much love?

There are certain times in life when people and experiences just completely surprise you and you feel as though you're living in a dream. My advice - soak up every moment and vow to do the same for someone else one day. That's what I hope to do at least.

And to you Jason, my very own Ryan Reynolds Gosling, thank you for having a heart as big as Montana (is that a saying? No? Montana's big, right?) I never in a million years expected such an extravagant birthday, but I know you know that. Which is why you did it anyway. Thanks for showing me how much you care, and for giving me so many memories I'll get to enjoy forever. I love you.