Tuesday, April 17, 2012

positively uninspired

I feel like I've been on an inspiration high since I started my two-week challenge, and ideas have seemed to come from every possible direction. Thank you to all of you that have left comments and sent encouraging messages about the posts you like. It honestly still baffles me that anyone would take time out of their day to read my stream-of-consciousness, but alas you keep reading and so I keep writing!

I have loved the challenge of coming up with something new that I want to share with you guys each day, and I'm learning a ton about my writing "process," which I never really had the chance to explore before (I mean, two posts a month with weeks in between is hardly conducive to falling into a rhythm.) I've also kind of enjoyed the pressure of a deadline because it doesn't allow me the time to second guess myself or scrap my posts (FYI, I do this a lot.)

Yesterday's post was a perfect example of something I would have easily trashed. Halfway through I felt like everything I was saying was leading in twelve different directions and would never find its way to the resolution I was trying to get across. And then I remembered my own advice: Everything doesn't have to be tied up in a bow. Everything doesn't have to have deeper meaning or relevance. Sometimes writing is just about getting your thoughts down on paper (er...virtual paper. You know what I mean.) That's what I did with that post, and it somehow tied itself together behind my back (so sneaky when my words do that!) I ended up getting more feedback and conversation out of yesterday's post than any I had written since the beginning of this personal challenge. I was shocked.

Self-doubt can be a terrible thing. There are times when I read other blogs or articles that people have written and I think, I wish I could write like them. I start to doubt my own style and my own abilities just because I fixate on someone else's talent. When I do that, I try to remind myself of two things: 1) I'll never be as good at being them as they are, and I'll never be as good at being them as I am at being me (you may have to read that one back again, it sounds a bit like a complicated fortune cookie.) And 2) I write first and foremost for me. Even if no one else in the world cares, every single time I read my words it's a wonder to me that they came from my mind. Sometimes I don't even know what I'm thinking or how I feel until I read it myself on a page. I have to focus on the process not the result, and be true to my own voice (which, if I had to pinpoint it, is some concoction of rambly, tangent-y, overly sentimental, dramatic, and hopefully honest.)

Anyway, tonight is a perfect example of a day where I didn't feel particularly inspired or motivated (I knew it had to happen sometime during this whole two-week challenge thing), and at first that had me scrambling to come up with a post. Without even realizing it I was doing just what I had tried to avoid by taking on this challenge. I was trying to manufacture something. So instead I decided I would simply let you all know how I'm feeling: uninspired. And even in admitting that fact I feel I have done myself a service, and probably someone else as well, who is going through the same feelings of self-doubt as I am.

I want to thank all of you that take minutes out of your days to read my stuff. Really. I can't tell you the happiness it brings me when my words resonate with another person, so thank you from the bottom of my heart for reading and for sharing your comments. This is my creative outlet and the one side-project that I've stuck with longer than a few weeks (this is HUGE for me, as you know I have a serious, technical condition known as hobby ADD.) While I'm doing my best to remember that I write for myself before anyone else, the truth is that your feedback helps me battle my own self-doubt and keeps me doing what I love: writing. I hope some of my posts the past week have made you laugh or made you think (or both, if I might be so bold.) Here's to hoping inspiration finds me again soon so I can continue to bring you some fun glimpses into the craziness that is my life.

Thanks for being here, and as always, thanks for reading.

Found via Pinterest from Sorta Crunchy

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