start before you're ready

I'm about to do something drastic.

The past three weeks or so have been particularly roller-coastery for me (story for another day), which I  find time and time again to be a perfectly fine excuse to let this little blog of mine gather dust. Not anymore! 

Beginning today, I've decided to make a promise to myself to post at least once a day for the next two weeks. Okay, so perhaps my interpretation of the word drastic is a bit loose, but still this is a big deal for me. I'm going on vacation in two weeks and before I disconnect, it's my goal to try and interrupt this habitual cycle of attention and neglect when it comes to my writing. 

When I write, I feel amazing. There is no substitute for the comfort and pride that comes with organizing my thoughts, reflecting on my life, and sharing these little periodic snapshots of my personal growth with you all. I look back at posts I wrote almost one year ago and I'm astounded at how different and yet how similar I am just one year later. I have all these thoughts swirling around in my head every day and I love sharing them, so why in the world do I keep hitting these walls where I can't seem to just sit my butt down and spill it all out onto the page? I feel like every post I write starts with an apology for having taken such a long break between posts, and by golly, I'm tired of apologizing!

So I was thinking to myself - if I have these thoughts and things to share, and I love doing so, what is it really that holds me back? Can I somehow get to the heart of whatever this barrier is so I can start to make this blog more of a priority in life. A quote I came across recently that struck home is one by Ghandi, "Action expresses priorities." How true is that? If it means something to you, you'll make time and you'll do it. So now that I know I want to make blogging more of a priority, how do I do that? 

Well I think I figured out my problem. 

There are people that talk about "signs" and the world sending you clues to the answers you're looking for. I happen to subscribe to this methodology, although I tend to take a much more egotistical approach to this idea. I think these signs and clues are not from any divine benefactor of clarity, but rather from the power of our own minds to pay attention more closely and meditate on the things that are important to us. I believe science refers to this as "priming," but I prefer a more philosophical interpretation. If you  simply open your mind to discovering the answers to your questions, they'll come. 

Anyway, I know this is all a bit heavy for a little ol' craft blog (though lacking crafts a little lately), but this certainly was the case as I thought about this whole barrier to my writing. I began to sort of meditate on it and it continued to pass through my head throughout the day. Then, the other night I was surfing my usual sources of inspiration across the web (rather than spending that time putting my inspiration into practice and simply writing, of course... ugh, can you say case in point?) I found this post from whom I like to call my first blog crush, yourwishcake. This blog is what inspired me to start my own last year, and Kerri just happened to capture my feelings so perfectly. 

"I keep wanting to write, and I write posts in my head while on our daily stroll through the neighborhood, or while cooking dinner. But I can't seem to muster up the motivation (or something I can't quite put my finger on) to actually sit down and post what I want to. Sometimes I feel like I'm just adding to the noise around here, and that is never what I've wanted to do... I'm not sure why I feel this ridiculous need to live up to some standard, but I do. Nowadays, at least. I kind of want to go back to just writing to write, and not worrying about the response or if it's good enough to press 'publish'."

It was astounding to me that this person who I feel has such a defined and confident voice in her writing feels the same barrier to write sometimes as I do. And in her words I found exactly what it was that was holding me back. I never write just to write. I always feel the need to package things up in tidy theme-filled boxes with ribbons and bows of life lessons and insights. And the thing is, some days just aren't insightful. Some days I just want to share the cool stuff I've found on the internet, a quote that inspired me, or a funny story about breaking the microwave glass door into a million pieces on our kitchen floor (sound oddly specific? yeah... that actually happened.) 

I have this undeniable part of my personality that needs to be, for lack of a better word, prepared. I want to have it all planned out, thought-through, and well, perfect. That's why I too write posts all day long in my head but never get them down to "paper." I'm trying too hard to manufacture something that should just come from my head to my fingertips and out into the world. As this thought came to me, I stumbled across this pin (from another great blog that I have come to love, Cupcakes For Breakfast):

Click here for source

I've decided to adopt this as my new mantra for the next few weeks. I want it to be a constant reminder to myself to jump into the deep end. Because if you wait until things are just right, or you're fully prepared, a lot of time can pass by and you're not really doing anything, or writing anything in my case. 

So here I am. I'm proud to say I had no idea where this post was headed when I sat down to write it, and that is what I'm going to try and do for the next two weeks. Open up a blank page and see what happens. I hope you all will bare with me during this little experiment of mine, and hold me accountable to stick to my promise. Some posts will be long (you're used to that by now, right?) and some will be short (just a photo or a quote) but it will all be from me. 

This is me, unprepared, un-thought-through, unmanufactured. Holy heck, somebody hold me. See you guys tomorrow!