let this be the week | 04

You didn't think I was going to let you venture into the great unknown of this first week in October without a little life-update-slash-tiny-nugget-of-motivation post to kick it off, did ya? Come on, I wouldn't do you like that. 

See, in case you haven't noticed, I've been trying to pass off these little let this be the week posts as words of encouragement for you all (and don't get me wrong, they are) but I have to selfishly admit that it usually comes from a place of trying to motivate myself first. Whatever I need to hear each week, whatever I'm struggling with or whatever I'm challenged by, that's what I write and I figure, hey, maybe there's somebody out there like me who needs to hear the same thing. 

So there, I said it - this post is selfish. However, I think the points I lose for selfishness I actually gain for honesty, so I like to think I'm kind of at a karmic equilibrium of sorts. (Yes, my friends, that's what we here at CCH like to call crazy person logic and my head is full of it.)  

Speaking of crazy, I'd like to divulge another little truth to you all. I'm really sorry I hardly posted at all last week, but I've literally been spending every single free moment of my time working on my new site. To the point of let's say... extreme enthusiasm. (Which is a nice way of saying borderline obsessive.) I've mentioned it a few times, but I'm trying to kick things up a notch around here. I've had a dream since I started this blog last year to design the whole thing from the ground up, create an entire look and feel that's all my own. But there's only one problem with that dream: you have to finish the design in order to actually bring it to life. 

I started this project back in May. Seriously, MAY. I'm proud of what I've been able to develop thus far, and I thought I was in a place where things were almost done, but then it struck me. Crippling insecurity. Irrational levels of indecision. I was obsessed with tweaking things until they were "just right" and up until now, I still haven't been satisfied. I'd start by changing one simple thing and then it was like this wild Photoshop-layer snowball effect and I couldn't stop it. SOMEBODY HELP ME STOP IT.

In all seriousness though, making decisions is a hard thing for me and it always has been. Especially when it comes to design where the possibilities are literally endless. Endless! There's so much pressure to get it right and to create something I'm still going to love a year from now. 

But after five months of endless obsessing, I've determined it's time - it has to be time - to make a decision. To go with one of the infinite versions I've created and to let go of this insecurity. Because that's the trouble with being decisive, isn't it? The insecurity. What if I get it wrong? What if people don't like it? But as the whatifs march on, so does time. So I'm at the point where I've realized I can either wait around, basically sabotaging my own dream with indecision, or I can make a move and be at peace with that. 

And that's my goal this week. DECIDE. (Which is fantastic news to my developer, I imagine.) I still have no idea what the final product will be, but I'm just going to trust my instincts and see what happens because any site at this point is better than the site that never saw the light of day. 

So, while, yes, this post centers around a major challenge I've encountered myself, I hope it speaks to a lot of you out there too. I think we can all admit that we struggle with uncertainty. (At least I'm pretty sure we all do. Even if you're one of those super-confident people and you're magically uncertainty-less, I actually have SO MUCH of it that by redistributing my insecurity, all of you uber certain people now have it too. Like I said, crazy person logic. Just embrace it.) 

Those are my thoughts for the week. Do you have a major decision that's been plaguing you for a while? Do you play the what if game as much as I do? If so, I hope this is the gentle nudge that gives you the confidence to finally decide. If I can do it, I know you can do it.